BREAKING: Local Boy Best Popsicle Eater in the History of the World

via The Domino Chronicle

DOMINO - Another local legend has arrived. Bruce Parker is now the official record holder of Most Popsicles Eaten with sixty-nine consumed. Not only is this a great, historic day for little Bruce, but it is a great day to be an American. Bruce and his family were contacted by the White House and the President himself thanked the young champion. The local chapter of Dentistry United has awarded the Parker family a $5,000 savings bond in Bruce's name as well as free cleanings for life. Way to go!

BREAKING: Local Boy Attempting to Break Record for Most Popsicles Eaten

Via The Domino Chronicle

DOMINO - Local boy Bruce Parker, 5, is currently attempting to break the world record for popsicles eaten in one sitting. The current standard set is 67 which was set by a Norwegian girl in 2003. Check back for details.

Vandalism Spree Continues in Domino

via The Domino Chronicle

DOMINO - The Sacred Heart Activity Center is the latest in a string of absurd and wanton acts of vandalism that has stuck the city. Police are saying they believe that one person or group of people is behind the current spree that started back in January. The Activity Center is the thirty-third place or object to feel the wrath of those responsible.

"This has gotten out of control," local resident Tiffany Goodbread told the Chronicle, "I mean there's penises and nipples everywhere. What the heck is being done about all of this? Everyday I go to work and there's a new broken window or graffiti or shot sign. This is ridiculous."

Police Chief Rusken Thomas has vowed to put an end to the indecency.

"We are in the process of assembling a task force to put an end to this vandalism," a police spokesman said in a statement to the media,"whoever you are, wherever you are we will find you and prosecute you to the full extent necessary."

Damages by the vandal have exceeded the $20,000 mark with last night's desecration of Sacred Heart.